Happy Father's Day!

Celebrating fathers, step-fathers, father-figures & fathers to be...

How is your relationship with your father? How well is the parent in you taking care of the child in you? 

It could be said that our daily online MenSpeak men’s groups are where we learn to father ourselves, as we practise being authentic men amongst men and we take care of our inner boys. Male acceptance (from fathers, friends, men, boys, authority figures, mentors, our peers, playmates, even bullies and  - often sadly - these days social media) is vitally important for so many men.

I believe that men fear abandonment and humiliation above all else! The trick is to not abandon ourselves, as we perform for the acceptance of others.

How To Speak With Your Father

If he’s not around: close your eyes, open your heart & feel him in…

My father Joe and I proudly posing with a big spread in the iPaper (before they offered me my weekly Agony Uncle column) 

1. Enquire:

Ask him whatever you want to know about him, or anything else. Surely, the worst he might say is: "Ask your mother…" or “How would I know!” or "Did you see the footie last night?”. Be true to your needs, irrespective of fearful fantasies and speak something out. Thinking about it, talking about it with others, or colluding with age-old ways that betray yourself are your own limitation. Ask him today! He may have been waiting for your attention for a long time. So bite the bullet and calmly ask your first clear, simple, sincere question - then gently take it from there.

2. Be equal:

When you speak, use a tone of brotherhood. Two men, on the same side, exploring life, beyond slotting in to unconscious old father and son (impotent) roles that might need unsticking. If you're on the attack, or he feels you're setting him up, he might close down and you could both remain in the pain of separation. Who is this man and what made him who and how he is? Who are you and what's made you who are how you are right now? 

3. Accept:

He couldn't give you what he didn't have, so appreciate his background, the limited resources of his day, his limiting beliefs, the appropriate ways of his time, his fears, what he had to survive and what he had at stake. Get real, from his perspective and accept his truth. Get over him not being enlightened before having you and get to grips with the gifts your relationship has demanded you claim for yourself. From his perspective, he's probably right! (Or he may feel guilty and unable to deal with it).

4. Listen:

Get to know him beyond what anyone else has said about him. Be open to his side of the story and listen with your heart, beyond judgement. Maybe you’ve never heard his words because he shut down, or he won't go near his can of worms, or he doesn't have the tools to take his space and speak from his experience. Maybe you're a gateway to his authentic voice. You don't have to father him, though can you sit with him in his pain, fears and regret (as well as his joy, loves and pride) whilst holding an open heart? Be with him beyond your judgements and his failings and give what you wish to receive.

5. Be there:

Sit with him. Talk with him. Walk with him. Watch rubbish on TV with him if that's his thing, but be with him, physically, energetically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually and sit with him in your heart (especially if you can't be with him physically) and simply breathe into this shared space. If you feel angry or sad, frustrated or bad, be with that and when you’re ready, breathe it by. We all have the power to choose how we wish to relate to every one and every thing in the world. So just for today, just for this moment, maybe for the rest of your life – choose to love and set yourself free from old pain.

DadSpeak (now every fortnight online)

Learn from the experiences of other fathers, step-fathers, fathers-to-be, father figures, foster fathers...

We’d like to invite you to share a safe space with other fathers and talk about what matters to you. Share your experiences, your dilemmas, breakthroughs, questions and fears. Whatever the age of your children - babies to adults - we'd like you to join us and explore the sometimes wonderful and occasionally bewildering world of being a father to another human being.

We’re told a good father must show strength (but also vulnerability), keep children safe (but also empower them), show authority (but also be fun), teach boundaries (and yet be intimate). The list goes on and on…

We might explore:

• What did you learn from your father? How does this shape you as a father? How are you coping with fatherhood if you didn't have a father?
• What's your relationship with your children, who now have 'another father' in their lives?
• Being a good parent team with your partner / co-parenting with a separated or divorced partner.
• Coping with sibling rivalry.
• Coping with teenagers.
• Managing your temper when things get out of control.
• Having your adult children living with you.
• Changes in your sex-life when a baby arrives and beyond that.
• Supporting a child with depression / modern day challenges.

Welcome to a community of fathers willing to get real, learn about themselves, listen to the experiences of other men and become the best fathers they can be.

See you on Monday 16th June 8pm-9pm BST and/or Monday 23rd June 8pm-9pm BST then every fortnight, whenever you want - NO CHARGE!

Dads House 

Supporting single fathers, their children and families!

I had the absolute pleasure of hanging out with William McGranaghan, founder of Dads House, with Geoff Norcott on Times Radio in the usual Man Friday slot.

Dads House are based in Fulham and offer a family law clinic, a food bank and lots of clubs, groups and events to help fathers combat loneliness and gain inspiration and support from each other. Check them out here. 

My recent Agony Uncle column for the iPaper

My best friend is a terrible father – I think I should tell him?

I’ve known my best mate since primary school – it’s an understatement to say we’ve been through everything together. Weddings, break-ups, job losses, moves to different cities, the death of a parent. At 39, I have to say we’ve not had many bumps in the road except… I think he’s an awful parent.

‘He said to me the other night – a few beers down – that having kids was one of the worst decisions he’s ever made’ (Photo: AleksandarGeorgiev/Getty)

His boy is now two – mine is three, which was lovely for us at the beginning. I know it’s a tricky age, but I’ve seen my friend lose his temper with his son in a bad way quite a few times. He seems to have no patience with him, is on his phone quite a lot around him, doesn’t like to play or even appear to really like his son.

I know he loves him deep down and would definitely never hurt him, but it disturbed me when he said to me the other night – a few beers down – that having kids was one of the worst decisions he’s ever made.

Click here for Kenny's response.

UK Governments Men's Health Strategy

Have your say on what the future of men’s health should look like...

Last November, the UK Government announced their first ever Men’s Health Strategy, aiming to address the biggest problems facing men’s health today.

Whether you're an individual or an organisation, please complete the government’s survey to help better men’s health - open to everyone 16+ living in England. Survey closes 17th July 2025.

Chat with me: £25 for 25 minutes

Thinking of working one-to-one with me? Want to see if we click?

This is a chance for us to check-in and explore where you are, how you are, who you are, your needs, blocks and options in life. We'll explore what might be at play in your life / business, how to change perspectives for dream come true results and gain insight into the bigger picture of your life. Is it time for you to get in the driving seat of your life?

I'm known in the media for my work with men, though 40% of my private clients are women who are often self-made, in the public eye, professional, powerful and courageous enough to meet themselves where their spirits were broken and they felt powerless, so they can safely turn their lives around. 

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